Break Ups

What do people feel about breakups?

Countless questions pop in the head when you go through a breakup:

• Can I get back after this breakup?
• What will be the relationship with mutual friends after the breakup?
• Will I be able to overcome this breakup?
• Don’t know why I was continuing this relationship?
• Is it the right time to break up now?
• It would be very painful and hard. Should I continue and think about it later?

The loss of the most significant person in our life causes us to experience distress, and in the early stages of the relationship loss, this distress compounds. This is because of our natural reaction when our partner isn’t physically or psychologically present to meet our needs.

Reasons behind breakups:

The difference in opinion, mistrust, age gap, the difference in intelligence level, insecurity, involvement in bad company, non-commitment, unequal involvement in the relationship, physical attractiveness, over passiveness, lack of personal space and many more are the usual factors which are responsible for the breakups.

When problems appear in the couple from either side, it infuses to both, leading to a sense of dissatisfaction in the relationship.

Phases of a break up:

There are lots of conflicts, problems surfacing in the duo. There is a phase when both try to solve it; they negotiate their disciplines, make changes in their habit, try to mitigate the conflicts, discuss on the problems to save the relationship. However, sometimes due to a person’s nature or personality, or severity of the problem, the proposed resolution fails to rectify issues and no further solutions are applied or accepted. And that’s when a relationship’s viability comes to risk.

The right time to break up:

Each relationship has its history, attachment, adjustment. So, the reason for a breakup depends on the people involved. Though, there are still some indicators that can help you understand when is the right time to say goodbye to your better half, like:

• When there is a proper lack of communication
• When a partner has compromised the other’s values
• When your partner has stopped taking care/relationship has become one-sided
• When you’re being physically or mentally abused and you just don’t feel happy

Psychological and emotional changes after breakups:

Grief reaction, panic attacks, anxiety, depression, insomnia, decreased in work or study, substance abuse, increased alcohol use, weight loss or gain, worsening physical health, negative emotions and feelings such as guilt, anger, or rejection, and increased risk of suicide are a few known impacts of a breakup. In some cases, revenge, stalking and extreme criminal behavioural changes have also been noted.

Apart from the pain and negative changes, a few positive changes are also expected after a breakup. In most cases, breakups have given victims opportunities for stress-related growth, improving their performance in future relationships, and providing a feeling of relief and freedom.

To overcome any relationship is a natural process; invest your time to make it happen. Don’t waste your time thinking about the consequences.

Benefits of treatment:

There are about 30-40% of people who feel psychological changes during breakups. Help from a psychologist can reduce suffering from grief. It will help reduce your anxiety, panic attacks, sleep disturbances, negative emotions, suicidal thoughts and depressive symptoms, if any.

Connect to Counsellor

How UDGAM will help in the treatment?

It’s always best to keep and correct the faults in a relationship. However, if a proposed resolution fails to rectify the issues, you can always connect with the UDAGM – the clinical psychologist expert in relationship counselling. Just like a true friend, our experts help you manage your relationship gracefully.

1. Relationship and its condition are purely personal. So, break up in person and not in public. Don’t feel any hesitation to continue your relations with mutual friends.
2. There were many happy phases in your relationship. Just because of a few misunderstanding and issues, never create a scene or create an unethical story. Truth is paramount.
3. Separation or breakup is always a painful process and you are intended to overcome this pain. So, don’t feel pity for the other person. Do not try to make the other person feel better.
4. After the breakup, respectfully cut all contact for a short period.
5. Always talk to someone who can understand you, remain unbiased and non-judgmental.
6. Being sad, angry, or upset is a natural phenomenon after breakups. Don’t judge or blame yourself.
7. Recognize that the break up itself is a sign of your incompatibility and you’re both better off without each other.
8. Focus on yourself. Give time and realise every situation that occurred.
9. Don’t date someone to come out from this painful situation. Only start dating again when you feel comfortable and need it, or are excited about it.
10. Only attempt to be friends with your ex again once you’re over the idea of dating them.