Living In A Sexless Marriage
Nancy Houston in her book “Love and Sex” writes it’s the only thing you have that is all yours. It’s your private heaven on earth. Make out on the couch, in the shower, in the car. Be sexual with each other. Make it all it can be. There are no limits, only the ones you put on it.
What is the Menu on a plate of marriage?
Love, care, affection – Perfect, what about Sex??
I am not biased, I usually ask my patient about their sexual life who come for psychiatric consultation.
I observed in my clinical experience if couple therapy, the need of sex in marriage is not a universal phenomenon. Some of them accept it as very much necessary and utmost important while others say this is just a physical need. The opinion of people varies as also explained in Nancy’s thought. So one opinion does not fit for all and varies from couple to couple.I have come across a few married couples who get separated because of disturbed sexual life while others were leading a happy married life without sex for last 10-15 years. Some of the couple is date for years without sexual activities, few postpone it till marriage. So everyone has different opinion and it ultimately depends on their personal belief, desire, nature of the relationship and mutual agreement. Many people have happy, fulfilling, romantic, stable, and joyful married life without having sex. So we can understand sex is not everything required for a satisfied and healthy marital relationship.
Why sex is important?
There is nothing wrong if one partner demands regular sex from other or believes this is a vital part of their relationship. Some people don’t feel emotionally connected if their sexual demands are not fulfilled. They feel that sex is a way to express their love; care and affection to partner .Few also think that having regular sex is a sign of loyalty. Person with high libido believe sex is a sign of love. Reasons for frequent and excessive desire of sex could be insecurity with partner, part of their fun or entertainment, boredom relief, assuage skin hunger, too much lust and many more often too complicated to define and understand.
Libido or sexual desire
It’s rare for two people to have matching sex drives. It happens occasionally, but to expect that your partner will always want precisely the same amount of sex as you do is mostly impractical.
It is a complex biological phenomenon that depends on psychological as well as physical condition of the body and the mind.
The Biology behind low libido
- Psychological reasons like high stress or tension in life, work pressure, anxiety, depression, marital conflict, obsessive compulsive disorder, addiction, history of sexual abuse, low self esteem, poor body image, sleep problems, psychotic symptoms, day night shift, brain trauma, organic brain symptoms are common.
- Physical or medical reasons include diabetes mellitus, chronic pain, hormonal imbalance (low testosterone), spinal injury, aging, few medicinal side effects, surgical reason, chronic illness like cancer, kidney or liver diseases.
The Biology behind high libido
- Psychological reasons like manic symptoms, intoxicated state, ecstasy drugs, sexual addiction, unsatisfactory sex, unresolved sexual trauma, distorted beliefs about love, sex and intimacy, impulse control behavior, personality disorder like antisocial or borderline, epilepsy may be the reason for this.
Benefits of sex
Psychological Benefits of Sex
- Better Self-Image
- More bonding
- Relief from stress and boost happiness
- Sleep Quality Improvements
- Enhanced brain function
Physical Benefits of Sex
- Better physical fitness
- Improved immune function
- Lower pain levels
- May Promote Weight Loss
- Positive cardiac effects
Is sex necessary for maintaining the married life?
Healthy sex in married life is one of the most visible traits among happy couples. These couples usually are able intimacy for years and enjoy the marital bond for long. In couple therapy or in marital therapy where sex remains a reason for compromised marriage, open communication helps. Open Communication offers a comprehensive discussion about the desired frequency of sex, likes, dislikes, and preferences that can improve things. You can also have a Fun filled sex if u know each other desires and practice it. This can make your marriage more fun and romantic and you will feel more connected to each other.
How udgam will help you?
Don’t be sad and hopeless. We have a team of relationship experts to guide you. At Udgam we provide couple or marital therapy for all such problems in marriage. They will discuss the problem with couple in detail, their likes and dislikes and will provide you the cognitive behaviour therapy to improve your sexual life. At Udgam with the help of our experts many couples who were struggling for years and were finding it difficult to sustain their marriage found simple solutions. So don’t lose hope, take expert help and give yourself another chance for a happy married life.